汉娜·盖茨比：道格拉斯2019.5.3 @SF分集剧情
去现场看 Douglas 的基本都是冲着 Nanette 慕名而来的人（of course, she knows that as well）除了我这个单身狗，现场充满了 LGBTQ 的情侣，在一个快一千人的场馆内直男人数不超过10人。这是一个非常 incredible 的 LGBTQ 人群的比例。从来没有在任何一个场合见过这么多 LGBTQ 齐聚一堂。尤其是这么多的 lesbians。在 LGBTQ discourse 中，lesbian 的出现频率一直让位于 gay（比如在 ao3 中搜 pwp，最多的作品是 M/M，其次是 F/M，然后才是 F/F，比如 lesbian 经常被当成一个 phase when you haven't met Mr. Right……在那里看到了这么多的 lesbians，有的已经五六十岁，说着自己过了一辈子然后终于被允许结婚的故事，真是令人感动。（插播一句，reducing LGBTQ discourse into one about marriage is one of the many ways to normalize the community, which on the surface has improved things, but in reality may have set many things worse. It doesn't question the whole system on which marriage is based. Not only doesn't it ask the government to take its hands off people's private lives, but also it drags even more people into it. It has put too much trust on law which we all know too well could change in a second. But still, marriage license does come with protection and security, which the LGBTQ community has longed for too long.）I thought it was a SF thing until September.开学的时候去和自己最最崇敬+喜爱的 mentor 谈到了 Douglas。他是一个白人直男，在纽约看的 Douglas。他说：I was probably one of the five straight guys in there. And it was just great.是啊，当人们早已习惯了性少数群体是任何一个场合的少数的时候，Douglas 的场面太 inspiring。当然，我也注意到了 people of color 的比例很低，哪怕是在 SF 这样亚裔人口很多的地方。走在 SF 大街上的亚裔人口，进了场馆几乎就只有白人。黑人和 Hispanic 人群也只看到一两个。作为一个学相关学科的人来说，Hannah Gadsby 所说的绝对不是 white feminism，但是为什么 so few people of color 被打动？这是一个值得思考的问题。开学之后和 mentor 谈了很多关于 Douglas 的内容，相信大家看过的话也注意到了。有很多 joke 是只有 lesbians 才能 get 到的。Mentor 说他很多地方都没有看懂，但是看周围的 lesbians 都笑了，就知道那是一个 lesbian joke。整个 Douglas 不如 Nanette 那么disturbing，前面说了很多，后面就 take the art history high road。不管是 Douglas 还是 Nanette 都展现了 Hannah Gadsby 出色的构建 narrative 的能力，每一个 punch line，每一点叙述，都连在一起，包容了那么多的东西却显得 smooth and coherent。等了一年终于可以看到 transcript 了。这样的写作能力真的不输美国任何一个大学培养的文科 PhD student。说起 Douglas 还有一点有趣的地方就是最后 Hannah Gadsby 提到的 St. Bernard。作为一个学宗教的学生，那个学期选了一门基督教 mysticism 的课，当时因为去 SF 看完 Douglas 还要回 BOS 参加那门课的口试，就把 St. Bernard 的书带过去了。就在喜剧开始的前一分钟我还在读 St. Bernard 的神学。（mysticism 究竟是什么是一个学术界都说不清楚的话题，大家大致可以理解为通过各种手段让自己和 God 直接对话的一种 revelation）我并没有觉得理解 St. Bernard 的神学观点对理解 Douglas 有多么重要，but if it helps，他是基督教历史上的最有影响力的人物之一。他是十字军东征的倡导人之一，他对于基督教里爱的阐述算是基督教里的 canon。Hannah Gadsby 让我觉得大胆又创意又genius的地方在于，她就把 St. Bernard 的 revelation 如实地描述了出来，用一种自揭伤疤式的方式去反思自己的文化里的 erotica。第一次读 St. Bernard 教授都会跟学生说 Bernard 的正确读音，他的 revelation 在基督教里的意义。但是 Hannah Gadsby rips all that apart and says: hey, this is in our culture. why don't we face it and see what it really means? 没有一个文明可以不顾过去地前进，而面对过去的方式不是简单的说“这个不好，我们要去掉；那个好，我们要留下“，而是耐心仔细地去抽丝剥茧，理解我们是一个怎样的文明。反过来说，简单地拿所谓的现代的（西方的白人的男性的异性恋的）视角去直视过去，这是一种 imposition，一种 cowardice，一种 unthinking。Hannah Gadsby 这里的 approach 令我想起了 Leo Steinburg 和 Mark Jordan，还有深受他们影响的人们。前者写了一本书叫做 The Sexuality of Christ in Renaissance Art and in Modern Oblivion，就问一个显而易见而没人系统问过的问题：why was Christ having an erection when he was crucified? More importantly, why would the artists depict him in this way? 后者是个出了名的 dlligent scholar，very openly gay，将毕生精力用于研究 incarnation，代表作包括 The Invention of Sodomy in Christian Theology。让我用我最爱的黑人 lesbian 女诗人 Audre Lorde 的话作结尾，since we are talking about history and how we should face it：How are you practicing what you preach–whatever you preach, and who exactly is listening? As Malcom stressed, we are not responsible for our oppression, but we must be responsible for our own liberation. It is not going to be easy, but we have what we have learned and what we have been given that is useful. We have the power those who came before us have given us, to move beyond the place where they were standing. We have the trees, the water, and sun, and our children. Malcom X does not live in the dry texts of his words as we read them; he lives in the energy we generate and use to move along the visions we share with him. We are making the future as well as bonding to survive the enormous pressure of the present, and that is what it means to a part of hsitory.
